Some rules don't change. Others - definitely yes. What did a certain M.A. Zawadzki, author of the Guide for lovers published in 1903?
The aforementioned book was originally published by the Warsaw bookstore N. Cytryna and was intended to help the average Pole achieve happiness in love and good luck with women . Below are tips hulled from its pages, collected in a dozen or so points. And what, it's easier to go on a pickup today or 100 years ago? Of course, I am asking purely theoretically, because I have not been allowed to go to any pick-up for a long time ... Those who are especially interested in the manners of the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries are reminded that the book is available in bookstores, because it was reissued three years ago by the Iskry publishing house.
First:searching for the chosen one of the heart
- The most important thing:feel confident! A man in relation to a woman should never forget about his mental and physical advantage (p. 8).
- Second, be picky. A man who understands life and its duties seriously should never place his feelings on women whom (...) the profession does not guarantee that they will be good wives and mothers (p. 12). Who is it about? The list is short:you should never go out with female artists and actresses.
- Third:we can let ourselves go, but our future wife - by no means! Well, of a woman for whom we have serious, constant intentions, we should first of all demand an absolutely pure past. Under no circumstances should one accept the so-called mistakes of youth or the mistakes of love . These always take their revenge in the end! No matter how a man tries, must wake up in his heart, if he himself is an honorable and honest man, a certain feeling of disregard, often turning into contempt for his companion, who is in a tainted robe (...) joins this fire which, ironically!, Is to keep purity and be its vestal (p. 16)! In a word:the bride has to be a virgin and enough.
- Whoever says that a woman should only be pretty is wrong. Oh, not only! It should also have some body of innate intelligence and some acquired knowledge (pp. 16-17). The reason is again simple:what could be worse for an intelligent and rational man than perpetually bonding with a woman who doesn't understand what is said to her?
- A woman should therefore be intelligent, but not exaggerated. After all, we don't want her to be smarter than us! Let your wife read - but let her, God forbid, not write! Let him like and know music and theater - but apart from playing the piano at home, let him not dream of the laurels of virtuosity (p. 18)!
- One more simple rule:equals marry equals. It is unacceptable for a rich man to marry a poor girl, or to seek his lack of heart outside his social sphere. We apply the same remarks to nationality, religion and material salary. Equal to Equal! (p. 19).
- And finally a warning: Let no one be in a hurry to go to the wedding carpet, let him not intentionally shorten the beautiful pre-nuptial days of love - because after the wedding ... it happens in various ways (p. 25)!
Second:How to trap her (and her parents) heart
Let's assume that by applying the above advice, we have managed to find the right partner. Conventions related to meeting each other, getting to know parents, etc. M.A. Zawadzki gives what is not the measure. Let's just cite a few.
- You like the girl? Never approach a stranger on the street! It should be with all the tact and delicacy of a well-mannered man get everything you want from her friends. So, first of all, about her family and property relations (p. 26) .
- Getting to know a virgin is absolutely secondary. It is not her, but her parents that must be won over. After all, it all depends on them. When talking to the father of the chosen one, it is appropriate without waiting for the other party's questions to start with a clear and honest definition of your position, property, income, family and affinity relationships, intentions for the future (p. 24) . In a word, nothing must be hidden! Well, unless you have debts. He advises to enumerate these Zawadzki only at the explicit request of his father.
- But what about getting to know the mother of the chosen one and the future mother-in-law? Primo:we do not kiss the hand. Of course, you should bow your head in front of the lady of the house, but refrain from kissing the hand unconditionally. It is an ugly bourgeois accretion, ousted from elegant salons a long time ago, and only watched closely by old bachelors (p. 30) . By the way, I don't know why, but during the first visit, you shouldn't take off your gloves (p. 28).
- Your parents accepted you? So here's one dating tip - don't drink too much! Running in every canteen to the buffet, and especially choking on these spirits, from which the competitor then "rides" an unpleasant odor from the mouth of the competitor - should be definitely removed from the program of the game (p. 37) .
- And more than one man's problem:are you going to the store with the lady of your heart? Do not pay for it under any circumstances! And if you pay - ask for your money back. By entering the shops with errands, the [bachelor] may temporarily pay the bills for her. On the return home, however, the bride should immediately return the money provided by her fiancé, and he should accept the refund without any reservations or getting up (...). He should also bear this in mind that the pleasure of paying will be after the wedding - "all on his side" (p. 35).
- Important thing. If we do not find our chosen one at home, we should never ask her parents where she has gone. God forbid, however, that the young man would ask about the reason for the absence of the maid of the house or directly ask them:"And where is the lady's daughter?". First of all, it would be a communal, vulgar and highly derogatory word for the household (p. 29).
- Are we thinking of a gift? Under no circumstances should you give - as many would argue, including the above-signed - diamonds to the girl. For a girl, we advise you to choose a ring, but not with a diamond (because in the symbolism of lovers it means tears).
- At the end, there is also an awkward issue, which, however, must be mentioned (as M.A. Zawadzki did not fail to do). Never ever talk about sex! The fiancé should carefully avoid ambiguities, allusions to the wedding moments, etc. - in a word, avoid anything that may embarrass the bride or cause a blush on her face (p. 36). All the more, you must not allow yourself to play around. During the dinner, the fiancé should: During the conversation, do not lean too much towards her, do not nudge her (even accidentally with her knees or trample her feet on her shoes for informational purposes. It goes without saying that all manipulations with hands under the tablecloth are completely out of the question (p. 39).
There remains the difficult matter of a possible break-up. Also regarding this case, people living at the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries had their own rules, which are quite surprising today. But more on that in the next… tutorial.
Source:
M.A. Zawadzki, A lovers' guide, or how to get happiness in love and success in women , Iskry, Warszawa 2007 (see publisher's website).