In the 17th century, there appeared an Italian custom of "going out into the world with three people":the husband, the woman and the Sigisbeus , which some call "marriage of three ". These particular characters, the cicisbeos, could be likened to the “knight servant” of the noble lady, in 18th century Italy. He had a perfectly defined specific role and function:to keep company, to accompany the lady on her outings, but always with the husband's agreement and with very precise limits.
Origin of the Sigisbeus
Before the 17th century, the woman was the mother of the children, responsible for the house and domesticity. But the social life of the Italian nobility and the condition of women changed greatly between the 17th century and the 18th century. They imitated the art of conversation, the literary salons, the refined lifestyle coming from Versailles, they copied the European courts, good manners, good education and politeness:the "worldly feminine sociability" was born where the women were at the center of refinement and gallant courtesy.
This sociability then led to a change in the behavior of husbands who experienced less jealousy and who could no longer carry the sword during receptions. To keep up with fashion and the times, there was also a change in clothing and eating habits with the appearance of spoons for chocolate, coffee cups, ice cream makers, as well as in the comfort of the living environment. We installed small decorated, luxurious places, the furniture was adapted:a kind of sofa, especially not a double chair with a central armrest "the conversation is composed and formal between a man and a woman, seated one side of the the other on a sofa, with his back straight and his arms motionless”.
The sicisbeos therefore appeared around 1690 in Italy, because "no woman could any longer with decency appear alone in public, no husband could accompany his wife without ridicule". According to some, this custom comes from the French soldiers during the siege of Turin, going to the carnival of Genoa to woo the ladies. From Genoa, this custom spread to the rest of Italy.
In Naples, around 1680, the nobles followed French fashion, but with more restraint, the mores being more serious "with regard to the honesty not only of women but men too, the city of Naples can serve as an example for many other cities in Europe". And still around 1740, it was impossible for women to live freely in their houses "the rooms remained open, servants were in all the rooms, the exits in carriages resembled Muslim surveillance". Naples will see the arrival and the institution of the cicisbeos only around 1740; but in 1770, everything changed "conversations, magnificent dinners and lunches offered to people from outside, morning visits to the toilet when the ladies are getting ready".
In Turin, the world was more serious, but sad. The private salons functioned only with the agreement of the court, "the ladies cannot go out alone with their servant knights and gallantry is very badly practiced".
In Calabria and in the south in Sicily, there was so much jealousy on the part of the husbands that the wives did not go out, so no sicisbeas. In large towns a few sicisbees might be admitted, the nobles enjoying conversation and evening walks; but in the small towns and in the country it was impossible. This practice only existed in Calabria at the very end of the 18th century, around 1790.
Who are the sigisbeans?
The appearance and rise of the sigisbeae comes from the fact of celibacy, because there were a large number of bachelors at the end of the XVII th century and at the beginning of the XVIII th century. As a general rule, men married around 35, with young girls around 20, with the cicisbeo being an age between the two.
Many young people wanted to enjoy life after college and fulfill themselves before marriage. For some it was beneficial. The establishment as a knight serving gave occupation, saved them from pernicious disorders "a young person who did not know any lady would be suspected of having bad character, of being libertine". The company of a married woman, respected and aware of the customs of the world, was the assurance for young nobles of having a good training and a good education.
Cabinets were therefore for certain celibates, sometimes little abbots, priests or even bishops. Their ecclesiastical income allowed them to incur expenses to maintain their rank with the ladies. They could be called "accompanists" and were sometimes several in their services, when it was necessary to make replacements.
They were found only serving families of nobles and rulers. The women sigisbees, wives of noble financiers or those closest to the state, used their diplomacy, could have power and intervened to achieve financial or marital alliances between the children of the spouses and other families.
Their counterparts
Although the sigisbeism was reserved for the nobility, the countryside and the popular circles wanting to imitate the greatest, there were also kinds of sigisbees that were called "comrades or gossips”. This desire to copy often led to major disagreements in couples, unaccustomed to worldliness. A code of good manners was then published in 1789 in Naples "the mirror of civility, or else moral jokes" by Nicolo Vottiero, resembling chivalric custom and service.
In these circles, we also spoke of "brassier", originally the one who offered his arm and accompanied the lady to help her get into the carriage:it was a salaried, high-level servant, often a good-looking, middle-aged man.
Sigisbeism did not spread among the bourgeoisie. Some cicisbei performed services with the wife of a civil servant in the state bureaucracy, or with the wife of a wealthy merchant. The rules were not at all the same and the cicisbeos frequenting commoners became the laughingstock of all.
Sigisbeism did not admit social openness, as the Marquis Dalla Valle or La Lande recounts, "this freedom of women of quality does not extend to the middle order, because the city-dwellers in Venice live a great deal in their houses and have neither cicisbee nor casin; the bourgeoisie or “the middle” is too decent, too intelligent for this kind of practice”.
In France, they have their peers, nicknamed “the little masters”:young noble worldlies, elegant, idle, libertine, following fashion.
The Rules of Sigisbeism
Sigisbeism is above all characterized by assiduous courtship, provoking a gallant intimacy, a kind of platonic love whose essential element is the exclusion of adultery; the cicisbeo must have learned good behavior, good manners and above all sexual continence. Despite the obligatory restraint, he is often in love with the lady but he can “pay court as a respectful lover”.
There are real hiring and service rules, like in a specification. The sicisbeo was chosen by mutual agreement between the parents and the newlyweds, because it had to please the lady and her husband. If the lady is older, she knows how to choose her knight serving.
No document exists, but thanks to the Memoirs left, we can read "contract signed in 1798 in Pisa, chapters fixed and agreed between the noble lady Teresa Lorenzani and the knight Tommaso Poschi, for the service that he must render as a knight serving and that must render the aforesaid lady served” with paragraphs such as “the lady can be tender with anyone, without showing contempt for the sicisbeo; the cicisbeo is not required to come and present himself to the lady every day and the lady cannot complain about it; if the knight remains a year without coming, the lady gives him three times two months to reflect and decide if he continues to serve her”. It may seem incredible, and some paragraphs are sometimes comical.
In all Italian marriage contracts, there is an item mentioned "pocket money or annuity allocated to the lady by the husband for her social life, carriages, horses , servants and attendants, theater subscription, etc. ”, as we discover in the Memoirs of Vittorio Alfieri sigisbee in 1773 and his lady “La Palma Mansi”.
The role of the cicisbeo
The knight servant does not stay on site, but upon his arrival, he attends everything in private and in the public:hairdressing, dressing, snacks, breakfast, games, performance at the theatre, accompaniment to parties and mass. He must know how to hold a conversation and can leave with the lady for a stay in another city, in the countryside, all financed by the husband who does not always have time to walk his wife, due to his important functions in the society. For the woman, it is a relative and controlled freedom.
He acts as a bodyguard, so no one can get too close to the lady. For people who would have liked to court him, the sicisbeo is too suffocating a great barrier. It is however a complement to the balance and the good functioning of the household.
In parallel with his function as companion, if relations are very good with the husband and the lady, he may be called upon to become a mediator and adviser in household affairs. He also takes care of the lady's children, at the level of the education of the boys as the father, who is absent, would have done; later, he will be able to get the young man a good place in noble and financial circles. Sometimes, on the death of the mother, and always depending on the existing friendly ties, the cicisbeo can replace the real family until the boy is made his major heir.
Sigisbeism has political value, private support, as in Rome and Turin. The prelates or cardinals, often in their role of cicisbeo, helped with family alliances. Unfortunately in Rome, Sigisbeism led to abuses, exaggerations and court intrigues.
Another example should be cited:Elisabeth Vigée le Brun, who had taken refuge in Venice in 1790, had to comply with the custom of the Sigisbeus; his was the great art collector Dominique Vivant Denon, “on loan” from the sigisbee which Denon was in charge of. There was a kind of loan to each other, especially for new foreigners arriving in Italy or those passing through.
The disadvantages
The sicisbeo service can "open a reciprocal flow of sympathy between the lady and her knight servant", there could be a relationship between the two but as there was regularly other people around, more loving relationships proved difficult. The testimonies sometimes show us a relationship transforming into love, confidence and sincere friendship.
Jealousy sometimes appeared in this triangle "jealous husbands who suffer with spite of these singular beings, who are the second masters of their disordered households".
Problems could be more serious than jealousy. The husband on the move, risked finding children on his return! Filiation was essential among the nobles who wanted the transmission of the natural characteristics of their superiority:dignity, purity of blood, wealth of the house. It was therefore necessary that the children of the couple be of the father...
To avoid the bastards, shortly after the wedding the couple went to the country and less than a year later the baby was born. It was only afterwards that the sicisbeo entered the service of the lady, even if her choice was attested in the marriage contract. On the other hand, the Italian nobles were not ignorant, they were aware of progress and contraceptive techniques.
Some illegitimate births were nevertheless recognized in closed circles. Infant mortality being high, the bastard child and therefore the cicisbeo were very useful, as Brooke an English traveler tells us in his Memoirs during his visit to Rome in 1794 "the use, although not consecrated by the Church, is not ignored by the Holy Father; that in fact, the sicisbeo is neither more nor less than a second husband and a sure friend of the house. But how is it possible for a husband to know his children? It's enough that he knows that they are his wife's children! .
Residents of Sigisbeism
The Church first revolted against this custom which it considered harmful to the honesty of women, to the tranquility of families and to the social order, this system diverting the attention of the hostess, at the level of savings.
In 1706, the priests preached "the habit of flirting especially with married women and serving her is an intolerable practice". But the Church had to soften, as Alphonse-Marie de Liguori puts it in his "Moral Theology" explaining that "hearing obscene comedies is a mortal sin only if it is done with the intention of entertaining oneself from these turpitude; if one goes there out of curiosity, it is a venial sin. Dancing is not a libidinous act, but an act of joy”.
Facing the priests, the Dominicans kept watch. Concina had an "instruction for confessors and penitents" printed in 1759, categorically refusing compromise. And Montesquieu added “it is the most ridiculous thing that a stupid people could have invented:they are lovers without hope, victims who sacrifice their freedom to the lady they have chosen. Finally, after the wandering knights, there is nothing so stupid as a cigisbeus”. For the moralists, it was rather “when a man and a woman find themselves alone in intimacy, it is presumed that they do not recite the Our Father! »
The end of the sicisboes
Mores began to change with the Revolution. In the constitution of 1795, a principle prevailed:“no one is a good citizen, if he is not a good son, a good father, a good friend, a good husband”. The texts were abundant "it is a thing unworthy of the condition of a free man to adore a woman as a divinity, to debase oneself near her in the most unworthy functions and to waste the days at her side like a eunuch of the seraglio”. The society of nobles of the Ancien Régime had almost disappeared, the Revolution had transformed many things:equity of patrimonial divisions between all children, abolition of the privilege of birth, greater sociability between old nobility and bourgeoisie, reform of the social label where the old nobles had to mix with the bourgeois and the lower classes.
In England, the bourgeoisie was growing in power, the country began to return to marriage, with a rejection of marital infidelity and adultery.
In France, Rousseau spoke of “passionate and absolute love, incompatible with libertine levity”; Maupassant asserted “marriage and love have nothing to do with each other. We marry to found a family and we form a family to constitute society. When one marries, one must unite proprieties, combine fortunes, unite similar races”; Stendhal also wrote "the servant knights were abolished under the French domination, because Napoleon, by spirit of order, restored mores to Italy".
In Italy, the process started later, the principles of the Revolution arrived between 1795 and 1815. A woman's newspaper appeared from December 1798 to January 1799 "the real republican” recalling the points of morality and the condition of women, condemning celibacy, refusing arranged marriages, and above all mentioning the duties of wives:breastfeeding and raising children, taking care of domestic affairs.
A large part of the population had read Rousseau, appreciated his moral sensitivity, his spontaneity of romantic love. Sigisbeism was no longer conceivable with a shared married life, private life was modified, more sober, more severe, more republican. The authors of this period strongly criticized the sigisbeas and the conversations "it is absurd to allow married women free access to the conversation of men". The new couples became attached to each other, the woman having a majestic, virtuous and wise conduct.
The end of the cigisbeae took place around 1810. The Napoleonic empire brought back the serious domestic, a conjugal commitment, the family being the basis for the recomposition of society resulting from the revolutionary trauma . We then spoke of the "Risorgimento" the time of the definitive burial of the custom of the cigisbeae for 1820.
The Restoration, which in 1815 reestablished the governments overthrown by Napoleon, could have made the cigisbeas reappear. Around 1820, foreign travelers recognized sigisbeas in the men who gravitated around ladies of good society "in gallantry shops, elegantly dressed ladies enter, most often accompanied by their sigisbeas or servant knights, busy reviewing and judging the novelties in Paris". Thus in Sicily, the custom of sigisbeae was still in full activity and the testimonies are recurrent "it happened more than once that young people demanded that it be stipulated in their marriage contract that such or such an individual would be their servant or cigisbee; and the future husbands consented to it”. Revolutionary ideas had not yet arrived so low.
But decency was becoming fashionable "Napoleon had imposed that all invitation tickets be drawn up in the name of husband and wife", the spouses therefore remained together more and more often. A movement was born "the rebirth of the nation", with a new image of Italy, a national identity with the idea of belonging to the nation and the redefinition of the duties of both sexes:purity of mothers and "remasculinization" of men.
Everything was put in order around 1850 after the publication of the treatise in 1846 written by the daughter of an aristocrat and a Jacobin doctor "on the moral education of Italian women" where she insisted on maternal love, piety for the fatherland "Italian and mother, you must apply yourself not to consuming life in celebrations and pleasures, but to give to the fatherland, in your children, good citizens , generous, strong, wise”.
Marriage became the normal condition of life, young girls having to study, rather than cultivating frivolities, in a word "conversing with themselves"!
This is the triumph of Rousseauism!
According to the book “les sigisbées. how italy invented marriage for three - 18th century” by Roberto Bizzocchi. Alma editor, 2016.