The people of the British Isles have been acting for centuries with a humor that Monty Python would not be ashamed of. Naked cooks. A spy licensed to make you laugh. Absurd deaths. Strange situations with jogging dogs and a bricklayer in the lead role. See how the English at every point in their history have been able to take life with a grain of salt!
As always, all TOP10 items are based on the articles we publish. This time we decided to show how interesting and in its own way funny British history could be. More texts showing the happy side of history can be found HERE.
10. Sly plans in the fight for the throne
Northumbria was an early medieval Anglo-Saxon kingdom with a true merry-go-round of power in the 8th century. Any proposal to take over the crown was to be treated as a bad joke. Successive rulers ruled for several years, after which they were forced to abdicate in favor of their competitors ... or died in attacks. Every juvenile monarch, a puppet for the powerful, in adulthood could only count on death at their hands.
Lindisfarne Abbey. Most often it was here that the rulers who had been deposed and had haircuts as monks (photo:Russ Hamer, license CC BY-SA 3.0).
Ceolwulf was overthrown by his rivals and exiled to the monastery in Lindisfarne, from where his followers dragged him to ensure his reign for another 6 years. Then he abdicated again and became a monk, apparently of his own free will. Maybe he knew that as a king he was unlikely to live to old age?
Likewise, Osred II was quickly cut and banished by the competition. His place was taken by Ethelred, who reigned before then. I think he acted stupidly returning from exile, because after less than 6 years he was murdered (read more about this) .
9. Flying members of the king's opponents
Even the death penalty in England had to be done with a joke, albeit definitely a dark one. Hugh Despenser, suspected of having intimate contacts with the King of England, Edward II, was deprived of his genitals during the quartering and his body thrown to the dogs to be eaten.
An inseparable element of the punishment for treason and regicide was exposing the corpse to public view. The limbs of rebels like William Wallace were sent to the main cities of the kingdom, where for years they testified to the fate of those who dared to raise their hand against the king. As a rule, the head was reserved for the capital.
A forest of heads at London Bridge. After all, the most valuable trophies went to the capital (source:public domain).
The body of a fallen enemy was usually treated as a trophy. After the Battle of Evesham, the henchmen of England, Henry III, did not stop at butchering the corpse of the opposition leader, Simon of Montfort. His genitals placed on the severed head were immediately sent as a gift to the wife of Roger Mortimer , the main supporter of the crown. But what was he supposed to do with them? (read more about this) .
8. What will people say to be a naked cook?
The English court in the 16th century was famous for its hellishly complicated ceremonial. Henry VIII was obsessed with order. To introduce better discipline, he published Eltham Ordinances. The document codified in detail the rules of functioning of the royal court.
It began by reducing the number of servants by more than half. Additionally, everyone else had a clear assignment of responsibilities. From then on, it was no longer possible to pretend to be a job, but in fact to spend time on carefree entertainment. You weren't even allowed to play cards while the king was away!
Henry was ruthless to his wives ... and idle servants, Painting by Henry Nelson O'Neill (source:public domain).
The king also took care of the clothes of the servants. Cooks and dishwashers are forbidden to work naked. I wonder how common was this practice when it needed to be curtailed? While some were put on, others were stripped of their clothes. Those who served at the table were not allowed to wear coats. The idea was to prevent them from carrying food and tableware under their shelves ... (read more on this).
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7. Mr. Bean at the shooting range?
The 16th century in England was a time of comic fatalities. At least 56 took place at shooting ranges. And it was the viewer who stood too close, and it was the player who at the wrong moment went to collect the shots. Thomas Curteys inadvertently made a bet with the archer that he would hit his hat with an arrow. He missed ... Henry Pert tried to shoot into the air, but the arrow jammed. So he turned the bow towards himself… and that was his last bad decision!
And archery seemed to be such a safe hobby ... Woodcut by Albrecht Dürer of the hunting Prince Maximilian Habsburg (source:public domain).
The first firearm fatality occurred when a woman walked right under the bullets of a bookbinder practicing shooting. Puzzling that the noise of the shots did not make her think …
Death was even lurking on the supporting walls. As Thomas Alsopp stood outside the city wall, watching the dances around the pole, someone accidentally knocked over the pole. The pole hit the wall, a brick fell from the wall, and half of Thomas's brain turned to pulp (read more on this) .
6. A royal comedy of errors?
King Edward VII of Great Britain liked to go on vacation to Marienbad, a popular Czech spa. He was always the cause of funny situations there. The monarch tried to lose weight at the resort. He told everyone what was not allowed to drink and eat. Nevertheless, devoured himself to the best of fried trout and partridges with eggplant.
When the king went for a stroll after eating, he was in contact with ordinary people at every turn and he did not know what to make of it. He claimed that he wished no one would recognize him. Sometimes he was glad to be greeted by crowds. Another time he complained to the Emperor of their intrusiveness.
It is much easier to pose in coronation robes than to rest incognito ... A painting by Philip Tennyson Cole (source:public domain).
At the same time, Edward VII got real anger when someone did not recognize that he was king! One day he visited friends in Marienbad. The butler inadvertently asked him about his dignity. The monarch literally exploded:“You should know who I am! For my part, I perfectly remember that a year ago you were the third valet at the Duchess of Manchester! ” (read more about this) .
5. The Lord was barking, my lord?
The funeral of King Edward VII of Great Britain attracted representatives of almost all monarchies in the world to London. In the funeral procession, the uncrowned guests had to follow the kings. An exception was made only for a certain Scottish servant.
His role was to lead on a leash in the place of honor of Caesar, Edward VII's favorite fox terrier. Throughout the entire route, the dog bravely trotted almost right behind the coffin.
Caesar, don't look back for the kings, run to the coffin! (postcard from 1910, source:public domain).
The true emperor, William II of Germany, later commented on the incident with the words that for the first time in his life he had to give priority to the dog. However, we do not know what Caesar himself thought about it. Perhaps he envied Wilhelm that he did not have to hurriedly traverse without even one break to raise his leg ... (read more on this topic) .
4. Today dyers, I'm a journalist
In Great Britain, even a spy had to have a lot of courage, distance and a specific sense of humor. Sidney Reilly, His Majesty's pre-war agent, manipulated associates and cheated on business. As a handsome smarthead, he was very popular with women.
In the spring of 1918, he was sent to Moscow. He immediately forgot about the procedures and guidelines. He went straight to the Kremlin, where he joked that he was a journalist and was collecting material for a book on the successes of the Soviet system.
Trotsky did not even know how great the danger he was ... Photo from 1919, from the left:Lev Trotsky, Vladimir Lenin and Lev Kamenev (source:public domain).
Not only was he treated very seriously and gained valuable information, but he was also invited to the celebration of May 1 at the Polytechnic Museum! There he intended to kill Trotsky , but at the last moment he realized that this prank the Bolsheviks may not understand anymore ... (read more about it) .
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3. To be or not to be - that is the question for Poland
When the Red Army was on the verge of defeating Poland at the turn of July and August 1920, British Prime Minister David Lloyd George decided to negotiate a truce. To make it funnier, took over as the spokesman for the Kremlin's interests.
Lloyd George approved the occupation of Warsaw by the Bolsheviks. He led to the adoption of the draft truce, committing himself to suspend all aid for Poland for that time. He also ensured the Bolsheviks unlimited control of the Gdańsk port and all Polish rail connections with foreign countries. In this way, ensured that Poland would wait idly for what Lenin decided to do with her.
A Bolshevik poster from 1920 encouraging to crack down on Polish "masters". If Lloyd George's mockery were to come true, this would be the Polish future (source:public domain).
When David Lloyd George realized that there was nothing to do with the truce, he offered to take the high command from Józef Piłsudski. If the Poles agreed to it, France and England were not supposed to give aircraft guns or soldiers, but put pressure on the Bolsheviks that they would respect Polish independence. Just like that out of good will, because it is known that communists never lie! (read more on this topic).
2. Yes, Prime Minister, I was maddened by it!
Winston Churchill's adventures with the bricklayer made many smiles. When he started expanding the pool on his own, used a shovel instead of a trowel. As a result, he was using several times more mortar than was necessary, causing his coworkers to giggle secretly.
After obtaining the bricklayers union charter, Churchill announced that he would help with the new construction. He was to build an internal wall separating the two rooms. When it was waist-high, he went to lunch. In his absence, the builder pointed out that the wall was about to topple as it was rising in an arch.
Winston Churchill proud in the uniform of the RAF. Maybe he is thinking about his masonry feats? (source:public domain).
The wall was put up again during Winston's meal. When Churchill returned, he decided to… check the quality of his work. After carefully examining the work, he commented: "My first try and it came out straight as an arrow!" . The builder laughed loudly (read more on that).
1. Five o’clock at the front
There was no shortage of British serenity during the Second World War as well. The islanders' tankers usually thought about drinking tea. They could do it anywhere, even in the middle of a minefield…
Tank crews kept wine bottles on ammunition racks and kept live hens in turrets. During the fight, the ventilation of the car was a problem. So tanks often fired with open hatches from which an umbrella stuck out in bad weather!
Tank and crew after passes. You cannot see or hear hens. Gladsbach, Germany, 1945 (source:public domain).
The Shermans' flammability was a drawback which they approached with humor. They called them Ronsons, from the brand of reliable lighters that fired up every time. Hit Shermans often exploded in a spectacular way, losing the turret which was broken by the explosion ... (read more about this).