A funeral that embarrassed the entire continent. A nickname so embarrassing that it spoils a person's biography even a thousand years later. Plus the bizarre mishaps of heads of state, policemen and members of the resistance movement. When great people enter the scene of history, even greater failures lurk behind them.
As always, all TOP10 items are based on the articles we publish. This time, we decided to look for examples of epic historical mishaps to improve our mood. You will be surprised how many crowned heads have made our list! More texts devoted to great and famous anecdotes from life (but not necessarily always triumphant) can be found HERE.
Here are the "winners" of today's ranking:
10. Jakub Sobieski, whose father had to buy a wife
Finding a spouse for Jakub, son of Jan III Sobieski, turned out to be a real challenge for the whole family. After many unsuccessful marriage projects, he was finally arranged with Jadwiga Elżbieta, the younger sister of Empress Eleanor. It was not the desired candidate. Her father was merely an elector of the Palatinate, and not very wealthy .
After many hardships, the Sobieski family found their daughter-in-law - not perfect, but loving and devoted. Jadwiga Elżbieta is sitting to the right of Marysieńka, holding her firstborn daughter in her arms, Jakub is sitting next to her father (painting by Henri Gascar, source:public domain).
Worse still, premarital bargaining has been dominated by… finances. Marysieńka wanted Jadwiga to receive 200,000 florins of dowry. The Sobieski family would pay that much downtime. However, the older sisters of Jakub's fiancée only received 100,000, and Vienna called for a much higher dowry.
Conversations dragged on mercilessly. Desperate, Jacob fell at his father's feet, begging to pay the emperor as much as he wanted to get a wife. So John finally agreed to take out a total of 400,000 florins of a dowry, a wedding gift and a security for widowhood. This amount was four times higher than the sum contributed by Jadwiga to the marriage. But what is not done for the happiness of your own children… (read more about it).
9. Jan Soft Sword and Konstantyn V Kopronim
To be king and have a nickname like "Impotent", "Swineherd" or "Hairy Pants"? The rulers, whose subjects they successfully discredited for centuries, deserve a special place in the list of historical failures. It doesn't matter how they write, as long as they write ... But to go down in history as the king of "Hare's Foot" is not a triumph.
19th-century image of King John without an Earth signing the Great Charter of Freedoms (source:public domain).
John without the Earth, the youngest son of Henry II Plantagenet, who did not receive any property from his father, found out how ruthless the subjects can be. His stalks to the English Crown were long and are still covered by a black legend to this day. Cuddling against brother Richard the Lionheart, oppression of his subjects, loss of all Plantagenet estates in France, conflict with Pope Innocent III, empty treasury and war with English barons ... All this did not bring him shine and glory, but only an embarrassing nickname - Jan Soft The sword.
An even worse fate befell Konstantin V Kopronim whose nickname means ... " my name is Kupa". This Byzantine emperor, reigning in the 8th century, was in fact an excellent, brilliant and talented leader, a lover of culture and art. However, Byzantine historiography did not give him a fierce fight against the cult of icons. He was portrayed as a bloodthirsty beast and a tyrant ... and given an extremely bad nickname (read more on that).
8. The organizers of the embarrassing funeral of King Edward VII
It's not easy to organize a funeral, especially a royal one. And the officials responsible for Edward VII's last farewell went to work extremely clumsily! On May 20, 1910, nine other kings, five heirs to the throne and about forty additional representatives of the imperial, royal and princely families bade farewell to Queen Victoria. The number of crowned heads and their loved ones exceeded all expectations ... as was the number of awkwardness committed by the organizers.
Edward VII's coffin, bid farewell by the crowds (source:public domain).
Prince Daniło, heir to the throne of tiny Montenegro, came for the funeral from Southeast Europe. He brought with him ... a mistress. Officials wanted to accommodate guests separately, but in crowded London it was difficult to find a vacant place for people of this rank. All luxury accommodations are booked in advance. The prince was therefore forced to live in the same room with the manor house.
The order of the funeral procession was also unusual. It was attended by politicians, aristocrats, friends, companions of the king's entertainment, and - oh, how! - his many mistresses. All uncrowned guests, however, had to follow the carriages in which the most eminent of the guests sat in threes. An exception was made for only one and only character - a Scottish servant. The role of this servant was to lead Caesar, Edward VII's favorite fox terrier, on a leash of honor. Throughout the route, the dog bravely trotted almost right behind the coffin, thus leading the entire procession (read more on this topic).
7. Tadeusz Mazowiecki, the hero of the worst election campaign of all time
25 years ago, Tadeusz Mazowiecki showed that you can have recognition, competence and media support, and yet lose disgracefully with a man out of nowhere. When he submitted his candidacy in the 1990 presidential election, seemed to be the perfect candidate . He was supported by the majority of the intelligentsia and academia as well as the opinion-forming press headed by Gazeta Wyborcza and Tygodnik Powszechny. He was a respected former oppositionist, one of the fathers of "Solidarity", a participant in the round table.
Wałęsa and Mazowiecki in harmony years later (photo:Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Poland, CC BY-ND 2.0).
His - at the beginning huge - chances for the presidency was buried by… disastrous election campaign . There was a huge mess in Mazowiecki's staff. The deepening chaos was tried to control the ad specialist Marcin Mroszczak (known from the later campaigns of the Tyskie Brewery and Ikea), brought in from Belgium. Then the most famous slogan of Mazowiecki appeared - "Strength of peace". Lech Wałęsa's staff ridiculed them, claiming that the prime minister could not even catch fleas.
Thus, Tadeusz Mazowiecki's main opponent turned out to be ... Tadeusz Mazowiecki himself. Advertising it was similar to organizing a presidential campaign for Hamlet One of the staff members said later. The prime minister himself admitted years later that he was a terrible candidate for a candidate (read more about this).
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6. The French Resistance - for "sightseeing sabotage"
The most bizarre action of the French underground will remain the one concerning the symbol of Paris - the Eiffel Tower, when the cables in the elevators were cut to ... prevent Adolf Hitler from reaching its top and admiring the views of Paris. To this day, some people tell stories that, undaunted by this fact, Hitler simply chose the stairs.
Disappointed, Hitler leaves the Eiffel Tower, scolding the cruel resistance movement ... In fact, the sighting sabotage did not make a great impression on him. In the photo on the left of Hitler the sculptor Arno Breker, on the right architect Albert Speer (source:Bundesarchiv, license:CC BY-SA 3.0 de).
However, the truth is different - Hitler gave up this point of the trip without much regret. Visiting Paris, which, as he said, he wanted to see as a child it took him less than three hours. He was accompanied by Arno Breker, Paul Giesler and the main architect of the Third Reich - Albert Speer.
The elevators in the tower were not repaired until 1945, so that the Allies and Parisians could enjoy the sight of a free city "after years of heavy occupation". Malicious claims that preventing Hitler from visiting the tower was the only successful French subversion (read more about it).
5. "Silver Mouth" Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan made a couple of extremely embarrassing blunders during his tenure as US President. He happened to be, for example, tactless jokes ... about the USSR. During one microphone rehearsal, he said: Compatriots, I am pleased to announce that I have signed a law banning the Soviet Union forever . The bombing starts in five minutes .
President Reagan "boxing" with Mohammad Ali (photo from Ronald Reagan Library, public domain).
The equipment worked as it should, and probably only in the Kremlin no one laughed at the recording. The statement of the US president that the Russian language does not have a word for freedom certainly did not arouse mirth either. It was close, and a real nuclear war would break out…
Ronald Reagan has also insulted his own allies. When in 1985 he toast the Princess of Wales Diana, he called her ... Princess David! And he once addressed the well-established chancellor of Germany, Helmut Kohl, with the words: I was thinking about you watching sumo wrestling on TV yesterday (read more about it).
4. "Anti-bourgeois" pigeons (or rather, those who sent them)
Polish communists were the authors of the grotesque idea of using birds to spread anti-capitalist propaganda. In 1932, they decided to "celebrate" May 1 - Labor Day. They did not plan large demonstrations, which was ridiculed by the “Daily Now” published by the NDs, accusing revolutionary activists of fear of the police.
The dove of communism did not turn out to be an effective propaganda tool (photo:Michał Ludwiński, CC BY 2.0).
A group of pigeons was caught and prepared for flight. Each of the little eulogists of socialism was affixed (although it is not clear exactly how) a banner with a clear inscription. One "Down with the bourgeoisie", another "Long live S.S.S.R.", another one "Long live communist Poland" . On the morning of May 1, all these communist pigeons flew into the air.
As could have been expected, the whole action ended in a spectacular flop . "Nowiny Codzienne" of May 4 reported that one of the pigeons had prematurely "parked" on the chimney of the police station. Another is said to have become entangled in the telegraph wires. The pigeon from Sobolewo refused to fly at all, considering that it was ... overloaded (read more about it).
3. Superintendent Fowley of Scotland Yard
The unparalleled incompetence of a Scotland Yard officer makes you think that the figure of Inspector Lestrade, caricatured in the pages of Arthur Conan-Doyle's story about Sherlock Holmes, was not so far from reality. Fowley and Whicher "showed off" in an attempt to solve a murder that occurred on June 29, 1860, in Trowbridge, Somersetshire. The body of his youngest son was found in the villa of Samuel Kent's factory inspector. The baby was lying in the garden lavatory with his throat cut .
View of Throwbridge Town Hall. It was in this quiet town that a terrible infanticide took place, which no one could have expected (source:public domain).
Fowley, head of the local police, had no idea how to investigate. Not only that:he committed several completely incomprehensible actions. When he found a bloody nightgown in the washing kettle, he didn't secure it, but let someone take it. On the other hand, the bloody handprint left on the glass ... erased so that "the family would not be scared." He also ordered the arrest of the children's nanny, although she had no motive to kill anyone.
When Inspector Jonathan Whicher was summoned to Trowbridge from London on July 15, Fowley received him with hostility. He also did not inform his colleague about the bloody shirt and the bloody handprint. Despite these difficulties, Whicher, although he had no forensic experience, solved the case ... in four days. Common sense and observation were enough (read more on this topic).
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2. Hetman Koniecpolski, who exaggerated his potency measures
The fact that sometimes there can be too much good is shown by the history of the quite accidental death of Hetman Stanisław Koniecpolski. In our time, it would probably have guaranteed him a Darwin Prize. It all started when 52-year-old Koniecpolski married 25-year-old Zofia Opalińska, sister of the Poznań voivode - and a well-known poet - Krzysztof Opaliński. Opaliński wrote about his new brother-in-law: he is extremely pleased with his wife, not only to me, but to all friends, he tells the plethora . The queen's happiness did not last long though .
The Grand Hetman of the Crown, Stanisław Koniecpolski, beats at Halicz at the hands of the Tatars, who were taken in the hands of the citizens of the Republic of Poland. Painting by Henryk Rodakowski (source:public domain).
As the well-known poem proclaimed: At night, warm up with your wife, / When these wonders do not serve, / Take the comforts! Konfortatywa is the then equivalent of a "blue tablet", a potency-increasing mixture. Unfortunately, the queen did not use it in moderation.
Mr. Stanisław Koniecpolski (...) died (...) a few Sundays after getting married from a discomfort, which he was taking for his young wife - a contemporary diarist noted. In this way, the Republic of Poland lost a great leader… and at the worst moment. After Koniecpolski's death, a commander of his size or talent similar to him was missing (read more on this topic).
1. Mieszko I, whose wife refused to have sex ... on their wedding night
Mieszko I's wedding night ended with a spectacular flop. Dobrawa firmly refused to participate in the seams . As a devout Christian, she did not even allow the thought that she could sacrifice her body to idols. And she put it on her own. As Gall Anonim wrote, She came to Poland, but not the first time she shared with him [Mieszko] the marriage bed, until he renounced the errors of paganism. The Polish prince had to get by with the taste and spent his wedding night alone in bed.
The proud Dobrawa did not intend to fulfill Mieszko's every whim ... A drawing based on a 19th-century lithography.
The matter was all the more serious as sex on the wedding night was of particular importance to the Gentiles. It is believed that it was considered an act of sacrifice to the gods. It was the highest form of cult devotion - a kind of physical prayer. In the time of Mieszko it was believed that the blood of a virgin wife confirmed that the gods had accepted the sacrifice and accepted the marriage. The lack of it, however, announced - as the ethnologist Ludwik Stomma claimed - that the victim was rejected, and the union itself did not gain the approval of supernatural forces.
Sometimes a trick was used to ensure that blood stains appeared. The blood could be sneaked on the sheet as long as the ritual was done. It would be ensured that Dobrawa successfully passed this particular "test". However, no one expected her to decline to attend the ceremony, putting her spouse - and the country as a whole - out of favor with the gods (read more on this).