Maybe Cysorz has a great life, but kings in medieval Europe? They had no childhood, no privacy, there were conspiracies on their lives at every turn, and at the end they could get a shameful nickname. In 10 points we will prove to you that you wouldn't want to share their fate at all ...
As always, all TOP10 items are based on the articles we publish. This time, we present ten reasons why you would refuse the lucrative position of a king in medieval Europe. More texts about the rulers can be found HERE.
10. You would have to marry a woman older than your mother!
Hugo Kapet told his seventeen-year-old son Robert the Pious to marry over twice his age from him, Rosala Susanna of Ivrea, daughter of the King of Italy, who was then about forty summers.
King Hugo I of France, the founder of the Capetian dynasty, had a hard time finding his son a royal consort (source:public domain).
As a result of the forced marriage, the desperate and frustrated young man committed bigamy twice. As if that were not enough, one of Robert's new spouses was related to him. Bigamy contemporaries could still swallow, but incest was insurmountable (read more about it).
9. You might get a shameful nickname
It is not easy to accept that your subjects talk about you Helpless, Swineherd or Soft Sword while your ancestors and colleagues from other countries have earned nicknames such as Beautiful, Great or Wise .
Ethelred II Helpless. His inept rule enabled the Danes to occupy England (source:public domain).
Sometimes it was possible to get a shameful nickname completely through no fault of your own. The Byzantine emperor Constantine V was a good ruler, a talented strategist and a sensitive lover of art, and yet due to a rumor about an incident from his infancy he was nicknamed Kopronim or My name is Kupa (read more about it).
8. Father could steal your wife
1347 - France had just signed peace with England and the future was bright. However, it soon got complicated. The Black Death began to decimate the inhabitants of Europe, sparing no one, regardless of social status. The plague even reached the French royal court. In such circumstances, a stormy love story straight from a Turkish soap opera took place.
Jan had to be content with his would-be stepmother's hand… (source:public domain).
The romance was attended by:an ancient ruler, an aspiring heir to the throne and a young woman. Both men were new widowers and the woman was the fiancée of the younger of them. The king envied the fiancée's son, so he married her ... then the story was just more confusing (read more about that).
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7. You wouldn't have had a childhood
The life of monarchs' children is not a fairy tale. Traditional medieval education was based on fear, pain, prohibitions and mechanical repetition prayers, sentences and edifying anecdotes from the history of the motherland. The future rulers were not allowed to listen to poems, cheerful music, and were not allowed to take part in popular court games. Any deviation from the rules was subject to physical punishment.
It is said that Kazimierz Jagiellończyk "enjoyed [...] his son's crying when he was beating him with a rod [...] a teacher". A good ruler is not necessarily a good father.
Children who sat on the throne had even worse. Underage kings were imprisoned, tortured, castrated and killed only because they inherited a multitude of enemies from their fathers with the crown (read more on this topic)6. Everyone would be in your bed
Modern kings and queens did not have private lives. Every moment of their day was part of a public performance in front of hundreds of courtiers and servants. Even the most intimate moments have become public events.
Wedding night with witnesses? 15th-century engraving.
On the wedding night of the rulers, apart from the bride and groom, the entire retinue was attended composed of the most important foreign guests and the highest-ranking state dignitaries. The newlyweds in the chamber were accompanied by even a dozen people (read more about this).
5. You could go crazy with it all!
The emperor eats the servants, the king claims he is made of glass, and the pope drinks the devil's health. Megalomaniacs, furies, sexaholics, paranoids, murderers, cannibals ... Such people sat on thrones and ruled Europe!
Charles VI, the king of France, choked on the fact that it was made of glass. The medics tried to counteract the ruler's disease. In vain. A miniature from Jean Froissart's "Chronicles" from around 1470 (source:public domain).
The harmfulness of power and hereditary succession of kings, disregarding the real competences of the candidates, resulted in a whole galaxy of madmen on the thrones of Europe (read more on this topic).
4. You couldn't even trust your family
Soon after Bolesław the Brave took power, he was close to death at the hands of the killers. Only a miracle saved the skin. The king never found out who the architect of the plot was.
Returning from the meeting in Merseburg, Bolesław did not expect an attack. Couldn't expect.
The perpetrators of the attempt on his life have never been discovered. The prevailing view among historians is that the attack was ordered by the German king Henry II. Such an explanation, however, raises doubts. It seems that the second wife of Mieszko and her sons would gain the most from the death of Bolesław. Did Oda order the murder of Brave? (read more about it).
3. You could have a crap with the Pope
German kings and emperors excelled in disputes with the pope. Henry IV was excommunicated twice. He even had to go barefoot and in a penitential bag at the papal castle in Canossa.
Frederick II Hohenstauf, the German king, Roman emperor and ruler of Sicily - the fierce enemy of the papacy - was excommunicated three times! The Bishop of Rome even managed to dethrone Frederick and appoint a pro-priest anti-king in Germany.
Frederick II regained Jerusalem by way of treaties, not by armed confrontation. And that's why he was excommunicated. And it's not the last time ... The Emperor during talks with Sultan al-Kamil (source:public domain).
Hohenstauf managed to regain the throne, but bad luck hung over the emperor's family, as if provoked by further curses. Frederick II died down in 1250, and his son and successor Conrad IV only four years later. This is how the Hohenstaufa rule ended (read more about it).
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2. You could inherit a curse
In 1314 came the end of the seven-year-long, famous trial against the Templars. The wealthy order was found guilty of heresy, sodomy and several other forbidden acts. The lawsuit, a farce from the judiciary, was driven by the chief prosecutor William de Nogaret and by King Philip IV the Beautiful himself. Everything happened with permission the only person who had the right to judge religious - Pope Clement V.
In 1314 came the end of the seven-year-long, famous trial against the Templars.
The Grand Master of the Templar Order, Jacob de Molay, was burned at the stake on March 18. Legend has it that the monk standing on fire declared his innocence and cursed his persecutors. Not only did the trialists feel the effects of the curse - two more kings died within two years. But it wasn't over yet (read more about it).
1. If you were unlucky you would become King of Northumbria!
Have you ever wondered what the worst job in the Middle Ages was? According to Kamil Janicki, the king of Northumbria was the most unlucky job of the Middle Ages. From the beginning of the 8th century the kings changed like kaleidoscopes.
Lindisfarne Abbey. Most often it was here that the overthrowed and haircut monks rulers who were lucky enough not to be murdered
It started with Eadwulf, who ruled for only a few months (705-706). It was quickly overthrown by a party named Osred. He ruled much longer, but not without perturbations. He was crowned as a child and for a few years was just a puppet in the hands of the mighty.
Osred was murdered as early as 716, and he was succeeded by a distant relative, Cenred. He managed to stay in power for two years. Another ruler - Osric ruled for eleven years (718-729), but he also failed to hand over the throne to his son ... are you lost? (read more about it).