b> Cheated? You can always put his suitcases out the door, or leave him out, and send the rest of the trash through the window. 19th-century ladies had it worse. Much worse. The husbands of that time cheated left and right, without hiding it ... And what could the wife of the pervert? We already translate it in the form of ... a historical guide. But what if p
First:restrain your emotions
We remind you that it is the nineteenth century, betrayal is something completely common, and yet divorce is like a cure. If he is not faithful to the marriage vow, even if you want to claw his eyes out, you must restrain (or at least try) your impulses. After all, a public scandal with a row and divorce would bring dishonor to the family name. This, my dear, for the sake of children, you cannot afford.
Take an example from Wirydianna of Radoliński. The woman was unlucky with marriage. Her husband cheated on her almost openly, but for years, instead of getting a divorce, she separated. She lived in Warsaw herself, while the husband in the family estate "bestowed favors" on a teenage country girl Weronika, and then a Berlin girl.
Sometimes the competition lurks closer than you think…
With the end of the marriage, she waited for her daughter Anna to get married. She was afraid that, after regaining her freedom, the perfidious would marry her current lover, a foreign woman with a highly dubious reputation, which would scare off competitors to her daughter's hand.
Second:keep quiet as long as he has a mistress on the
levelAlthough the handbooks for married women clearly stated about lovers that such creatures are deprived of all nobility, - after all, one has to be mean to take the heart that belongs to whom reality was not black and white. It is not pleasant when it comes to light that the flam of this accursed faithless person is none other than your dear neighbor, friend, childhood friend, or even a relative.
How can you publicly revile your husband's antics when he hangs out with a lady from the same company? On the other hand - it is better if he can no longer keep his urges in check, let the husband at least keep ... the level.
Since there is "the third one", let it be at least beautiful, educated, well-connected and elegant. If you do, it's better to just let go . Hardly any nineteenth-century wife decided to act. Most often, she poured pinching on the pages of her diary, and in the face of the object of her husband's sighs (and not only sic!] Sighs), she did not allow herself to open attacks.
If, however, the dear betrayed chose to speak firmly with your husband's lover, you risk a lot. You can, of course, invoke female solidarity, or threaten that you will never allow this scoundrel to divorce you. You can curse that your lover X's mistress X will only be left behind by your own dead body. (It is better to be careful with such hints, because someone else will take them to heart.) The most likely, unfortunately, is that you will be laughed at in the event of such an intervention coming to light.
It is worse when the unfaithful gentleman crushes a maid, actress, chivalrous girl, or just a ruddy and round country girl. For you, his righteous wife, a modest lady and a proud lady on the estate, such a rival to the husband's heart and alcove is a real insult. As long as you could praise your spouse for his taste, you could somehow turn a blind eye to it. But with such an upstart? After all, it was not her intellect and influences that tempted him ...
You're drinking tea with doggies, and where's your husband? Did he come out to cheat on you sometimes?
Third:don't make scenes under any circumstances
Instead of tears and bouts of hysteria, a cool calculation. Quoting Mrs. Nina Kapuścińska-Kmiecik, author of the book "Marriage Betrayal in 19th-century palaces and landowners' manors", it can be boldly said that tact, discretion and subtlety - were inscribed in the code of a true lady . Gentlemen are unlikely to like jealousies squirming in spasms of sobbing or throwing thunder in passionate rowdies.
In fact, the husband was not faithful. It is impossible to hide. But it would be worse if your dear betrayed wife found you repulsive in your jealousy and abandoned you for his lover. You can't afford something like that. Instead of attacking your spouse and clawing at him, praise his taste (if there is anything to praise for).
Make a gentle mockery with your weapon. Instead of exploding, underestimate the role of a lover, reduce her in the conversation to the position of your spouse's new plaything and temporary entertainment. But what if such "entertainment" stubbornly does not want to disappear from the husband's life? Of course you have to cover it up.
A perfidious lover seducing your husband? Thanks to us you will know what to do with it!
Fourth:keep friends close, enemies even closer
The husband has a special place in his heart for his mistress? Are you not thinking of parting with her? Time to make friends with her. No, this is not a mistake. It's a perfect alibi. If you maintain intimate contact with your husband's flama, you are distracting the gossipers. This protects your reputation against slander and provides an excellent excuse for indiscretion. Later, you can always answer too inquisitive questions: Oh, of course, dear! After all, I asked Xavier to visit my dear Ernestine! The poor girl is so lonely when her husband is away! At the same time, show what a good and devoted friend she is and explain the attempts that go on until the night or until morning. Simply brilliant!
This approach resulted, among other things, in the humble correspondence of Eliza Krasińska (the wife of the poet Zygmunt Krasiński) and Delfina Potocka, with whom he had committed adultery. After all, it was necessary and proper for this "third wheel in a two-wheeled carriage" to show sympathy.
Fifth:show must go on, ie keep the style until the end
The ability to keep a good face for a bad game needs to be mastered. Make it a sublime art! It is absolutely necessary. Even if they are gossiping around, and instead of speculating for a long time, you just know it, don't let it show you. It's best to stay constrained. If the husband hasn't pulled the string yet and the divorce isn't in the air, pretend at all costs that everything is fine. As long as your family is whole (even if only for show), don't react.
Marital infidelity is a small matter. First of all, remember about the children!
Everyone around knows what's going on and… they don't care. A cheating husband is not able to control his urges and his love affairs are something completely natural. Yes, that's a common opinion. Better with a lover than with a passing lady (who knows what would drag her from her alcove to yours!). Nobody regrets or ridicules his wife, as long as she sits quietly. And the lover? No one attacks her while the farce continues.
Sixth:watch out for blood relatives
Watch out for younger sisters, cousins, sisters-in-law, even aunts whose beauty has not yet faded away. Remember to always be beautiful and nice to your husband and keep him company. If you neglect yourself and him, you can seriously harm yourself. Bored and disgusted with your slightly tarnished charm, your spouse will seek entertainment elsewhere. And if he is lazy, he will look around quite closely. What if his gaze falls on, for example, your younger and more shapely sister, who has also recently been widowed? Beware.
This advice was not taken to heart by Mrs. Martha Freud, née Bernays, wife of the famous creator of psychoanalysis. Not only that, by having six constantly ill children and the whole house on her head, she gave up taking care of her beauty, which was damaged by so many births, but also invited her younger, unmarried sister to her roof.
He, she and a lover. Dr. Freud with his wife and her little sister…
When we add to this the fact that Minna Bernays was intellectually (and, as it turned out, not only intellectually) fascinated by the charismatic Sigmund Freud, misfortune is ready. Dr. Freud began an affair with his sister-in-law under his wife's nose. For an enterprising housewife and an exemplary wife full of 19th-century conventions, she decided to turn the situation to her advantage.
Pretending that she had no idea what was going on under her own roof, she harnessed her sister to the home treadmill and rejoiced in her heart that she had been helped . What's more, she probably hoped that having two loving women in her own home would effectively discourage Freud from looking for more fascinated listeners.
Seventh:(advice to the man here) don't pull the string
Even if a woman had an ocean of patience and could deal with all sorts of insults, one day she would not stand it. And when the honorable betrayed finally gets nervous - tremble, lovers and unfaithful husbands. And so, one fine day, countess Teofila née Pawlikowska, Starzyska, fell as hell.
As long as Kazimierz Starzeniaski was looking for fun with ordinary village girls, she somehow managed. But when he brought his mistress from Vienna and visited her in a manor house built especially for the occasion, located near the palace the most normal in the world he bent.
The sedate woman, Countess Theophilus, seemed to be possessed by the devil. When her husband wasn't on the property, she got his mistress.
She dragged her out of that manor house, beaten her and chased her into four winds. She soothed her anger in the glow of her lover's mansion on fire, which she set on fire with her own hands (with some help from the servants). Interestingly, the infamy in no way affected Starzyska at all, and it fell entirely on her mistress. As you can see, sometimes you have to tidy up, even if you go crazy.