Attention! The Ministry of Public Security announces a competition for the best political joke. The following prizes were awarded:I - five years of the labor camp; II - three years. Several consolation prizes will also be awarded. One to six months of forced labor.
Shortly after the Red Army entered Poland in 1945, the cinemas were showing a film chronicle of the "Big Three" conference in Yalta. When, in one of the scenes, Stalin extended his hand to Roosevelt to greet him, it was met with general applause from the Polish audience, and the amused people shouted: give me the time !
This was, of course, related to the extraordinary love of Red Army soldiers for watches which they robbed Polish civilians. The political situation of Poland and Poles, the behavior of Soviet soldiers and their shocking habits were the subject of hundreds of jokes and anecdotes at that time. Some of them ironically emphasized our attitude towards the new occupant:
The teacher asks the children:
- What do we love the Soviet people for?
- They set us free.
- Why don't we like Americans?
- Because they didn't set us free.
*
A few workers are sitting in a pub drinking vodka. One of them suddenly says:
- I'd rather work in Moscow for free 24/7 than in New York for an hour for a few dollars.
A Soviet officer sitting at the next table heard it and says:
- I'm proud of you comrade! We need such allies. What is your profession?
- Gravedigger, Comrade Captain.
The photo shows Soviet soldiers during the liberation of Praga in Warsaw in September 1944.
After entering Poland in 1944, the Russians recruited Poles to the Red Army, claiming that we should fight a common fascist enemy by their side. One of the recruits turns to a Soviet officer with a question:
- Have you ever seen a major how two dogs fight for a bone?
- I saw it.
- And was the bone actively involved in this fight? ?
Take times and bikes, get the hell out…
Other jokes stigmatized the mass looting that hit our citizens by Red Army soldiers:
After the Yalta Conference, the representatives of the three great powers show themselves the commemorative cigarette cases they own. Churchill's cigarette case reads:"To Winston Churchill, Queen." Roosevelt has a dedication on his cigarette case:"The President - The Nation." On the other hand, on the golden cigarette case, which Stalin boasts about, is engraved:"Potocki - Radziwiłł".
*
- the Soviet Union thinks about you all the time, we want your best - a Soviet officer says in broken Polish to a Pole.
- We know, but our best officer, we prefer to keep for ourselves - says the Pole.
More about the activities of the Red Army in Poland in the newest book by Dariusz Kaliński, “Czerwona Zaraza. What the liberation of Poland really looked like. ”
In the restaurant's menu all dishes are crossed out, only "Moskaliki" (pickled sprats) are left at the end.
- And these bastards, not only did they devour everything, but also signed up! The drunk guest exclaims indignantly.
What are the Soviets doing here?
Allusions were also made to the great number of Soviet troops stationed in Poland:
Why are there so many Russians in Poland?
- To defend our country.
- And what to defend against?
- Before Poles take power.
*
An old lady shows up at the provincial office. Suddenly, he notices a huge portrait of Stalin on the wall.
- But this Piłsudski has grown old, sighs a woman.
- Citizen, but he is not Piłsudski, only Marshal Stalin - the greatest benefactor of our country, explains the official
- And what did he do?
- How come you do not know that he expelled the Germans from Poland and liberated us?
- If so, let Jesus give him the best , but that this Stalin would want to drive the Russians away from us ...
Nobody thought very well of "liberating" the Red Army. The natural reaction to the threat was the laughter and jokes that came out about the Soviets.
Passive, mediocre but faithful…
The representatives of the new government and their dubious powers were commonly joked about:
A peasant came to the UB and he absolutely wants to see the commander. The deputy commander explains:
- There is no commander, I am his deputy, so you can tell me what's going on. What did you want from the commander?
- Well, they stole my cow and the police found it, but they don't want to give it back to me. Well, I thought that maybe the commander will testify that this is my cow, because he knows her very well.
- The commander knows your cow ?! Where did she come from?
- He grazed her for two years.
*
A priest and a security officer are taking the tram.
- The princess's tram, the tram ..., the UB's sneered at him - And before the war there was a cart and horses, a housekeeper and a farmhand.
- You're wrong - the priest answers - And now there is the hostess, there are horses and a cart. The farmhand is not here, because he went to the Security Service as an officer.
Rokossowski, Marshal of Poland
Jokes related to Marshal Konstanty Rokossowski, whose communist authorities wore a Polish uniform and entrusted him with the position of head of the Ministry of National Defense, were also extremely popular:
- Why Rokossowski became the marshal of Poland?
- Because it is cheaper to dress one Russian in a Polish uniform than the entire army in Soviet uniforms.
After Rokosowski's speech, a Western journalist, unaware of the marshal's Russian origins, asks his Polish colleague:
- How is it possible for a person in such an exposed position to speak Polish so incorrectly?
- I'm surprised that he speaks Polish at all.
*
- Why does Rokossowski have one eyebrow constantly raised?
- Probably because whenever he drinks tea, he keeps a teaspoon in a glass.
- Not. Out of surprise that he became a Pole.
Lice and glowworm
Poles observing the shocking customs of the liberators were convinced of their civilization inferiority, which was reflected in the relevant anecdotes:
A small Polish town soon after "liberation". A Soviet officer goes to the mayor and asks where the delousing plant is. Having received the answer that the city does not have such an institution, amazed he scratches his chin and murmurs:- A very uncultured nation, Poles!
The numerous rapes and robberies of Soviet soldiers were also a subject of jokes.
- Why are the heads of Soviet soldiers patrolling the streets of Warsaw surrounded by golden halo?
- Well, this is the latest achievement of Soviet scientists:a cross between lice and glowworms!
*
Two Soviet cavalrymen went on horseback to tour the garrisons in the Polish "regained territories". One of them was very hungover, so he took a bottle of old Polish vodka from his saddlebag:
- Comrade Lieutenant! Fuck "gray" ?!
- Nooo ... I'm already a bay today fucking ... - replied when asked, without turning his head.
What was it?
In Stalinist times in Poland for the so-called whispered propaganda one could get a sentence of many years in prison. Of course, this was immortalized in a proper joke:
The Ministry of Public Security has announced a competition for the best political joke. The following prizes were awarded:I - five years of the labor camp; II - three years. There will also be several consolation awards - one to six months of work camp.
Pessimists in contemporary Poland claimed that the Soviets would take everyone to Siberia anyway. Extreme pessimists added:they will not take them away, but we will have to go alone, on foot ...
Sources:
The article is based on the literature and materials collected by the author during the work on the book Red Plague. What was the liberation of Poland really like? . This item has just been released under the "CiekawostekHistorycznych.pl" brand. Click and buy with a discount on empik.com